It's Not Going to Stop
by TisTheEast
Summary: Mulder's thoughts during ReduxII...a very different style for me, but we'll give it a shot


Title: It's not going to stop  
  
Author: Juliet (pandora1251@yahoo.com)  
  
Rating: PG..some language but nothing we haven't heard on the show ;)  
Spoilers: Gethsemane, Redux, Redux II  
  
Disclaimer: All Hail Christ Carter, 1013, Fox, and whoever else owns them! All Hail Aimme Mann for her beautiful song which inspired me to write this piece.  
  
Author's notes: WOW!!! This is one random story. I seriously don't know where the heck it came from. I mean one moment I'm sitting here playing Spider Solitaire thinking that I really need to write the next chaper of one of my fanfics, suddenly this hits me. Maybe some spiked my pineapple juice, but Aimee Mann's song just creeped into my brain and out came this story. As you guys probably realize, this is not my normal fare when it comes to fanfiction, but when the muse calls, you answer I guess.   
**Please feel free to visit my x-files fanfiction site at http://www.geocities.com/bohemian_songstress/index.html it's still under construction, but all are welcome!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Wise Up  
written and performed by Aimee Mann   
as appears on the Magnolia soundtrack  
  
It's not - What you thought - When you first began it  
You got - What you want - Now you can hardly stand it,  
though - By now you know - It's not going to stop - It's   
not going to - It's not going to stop - 'Til you wise up  
  
You're sure - There's a cure - And you have finally found it  
You think - One drink - Will shrink you 'til you're  
underground - And living down - But it's not going to stop  
It's not going to stop - It's not going to stop - 'Til you   
wise up  
  
Prepare a list of what you need - Before you sign away the  
deed- 'Cause it's not going to stop - It's not going to stop  
No, it's not going to stop - 'Til you wise up - No, it's not  
going to stop - 'Til you wise up - No, it's not going to   
stop - So just give up  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When I first stumbled on the X-Files so many years ago, in what almost seems like another lifetime, I never thought it would come to this.  
  
I was content with being 'Spooky Mulder' and living out my existence in the FBI in a cave-like basement office. Being the mysterious reject, the brilliant mind gone atray, it was fun a good majority of the time. My theories could be as paranoid and out there as I wanted an no one would really bat an eye so long as it came from my mouth. Sure, deep down I longed for the respect and understanding of my co-workers and superiors, but no one could ever truely understand my reasons.  
  
Then on the most ordinary of days, the most extraordinary thing happened (which, coming from me, must be really be something). She walked into my office.  
  
I know, I know, it sounds like one of those cheesy old detective novels, but from that moment on my life would begin to change. She became everything to me: my challenge, my balance, my guardian angel, my partner, my protector...but most of all, my best friend. She was my partner in my search for a truth, which is in many ways the same truth that scholars and clergy search for their whole lives. She followed me down every road, no matter how unsure I was of where we were headed, making sure I wasn't being blinded by my own hope.   
  
Well I have found the truth. But it is not a warm family reunion...not a shiny silver UFO with my sister waving out the window. The truth is much darker, much more ugly, than I think either of us had realized it would be. And when I think of the price that is being paid for that truth, I would give it all back in a heartbeat.   
When I saw her in that hospital bed, I promised her that the men responsible would pay dearly. If had to hunt them down, each and every one of them, they would pay. They would know the pain that she has endured.   
  
The irony of this all is that I am one of those men.   
  
In the few waking moments I have had with her the past fews days, she tells me that she doesn't blame me and that I shouldn't blame myself. But seeing her in pain, seeing her mother's tears and her brother's angry glare in my direction, I know I am to blame. She would've been better off if I had killed myself. Had it not been for me, she would be happily married with children, not spending her days in a hospital bed listening to me tell that she's going to be alright and that I'd somehow find a cure.  
  
I found that cure, but the Devil drives a hard bargin. The stakes have been put up, and all odds are against me. No matter what I choose, I know eventually I'll lose....but I cannot lose her. If I had to sell my soul to Satan himself (and God knows that Black-Lunged Son-of-a-Bitch may as well be the Prince of Darkness), I would do it to see her smile again. I would go to the dark side, embrace evil, allow them to make into one of their minions, so she could have a chance at life. I am reminded of one of those proverbs that her mother was fond of, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for a friend."  
  
I had gone to her room that night to say goodbye for I knew once I signed myself over to them, I would probably be killed or worse, become the very force she and I had fought against. But when I saw her alseep, I couldn't do it. If she lived, there was the chance that one day I would see her again and have to look into those blue eyes knowing that she didn't forgive me for this course of action. As I knelt down beside next her bed, tears falling from my eyes, I found myself laughing.   
  
Scully, we are so much alike. You would rather die than see me abandon our quest...and I would rather give my life away than see you die...  
  
Now I am seated outside her room. Inside, a story-book ending is unfolding, but for me, the ending is a bittersweet one. For his response to my refusal last night still echos in my mind.  
  
"It's going to stop Agent Mulder, just because she lives does not mean that it will stop."  
  
THE END 


End file.
